We live in a world that values the opinion of others and it can be hard to ignore this pressure. Many of us are natural people, pleasers – constantly striving to be liked, appreciated, and accepted by other people. We do everything we can to make sure they are happy, even if it means sacrificing our own needs and values in the process.
Being a people pleaser is not only emotionally draining but can also lead to feelings of denial, emptiness, and resentment. It’s important to recognize when you’re being a people pleaser so that you can start making positive changes and take back control of your life.
In this blog post, we will discuss how to stop being a people pleaser and prioritize your own well-being instead.
Understanding what is a People Pleaser:
A people pleaser is someone who feels the need to always put others first and make everyone happy. They go above and beyond to avoid conflict and make sure everyone is happy with them. People pleasers often end up feeling used, unappreciated and taken advantage of.
If you’re a people pleaser, it’s important to learn how to stop being one so that you can start taking care of yourself.
How to identify if you are a people pleaser:
- Saying “yes” to everything – If you find yourself constantly saying yes to requests, even when it’s inconvenient or you don’t want to do it, it may be a sign that you’re a people pleaser.
- Fear of rejection – People pleasers often fear rejection and will do whatever it takes to avoid it. This can manifest as a fear of saying no, a fear of disappointing others, or a fear of standing up for yourself.
- Difficulty setting boundaries – People pleasers often struggle to set boundaries and may feel guilty when they do. They may also find it hard to say no to others, even when it’s necessary.
- Putting others’ needs before your own – People pleasers may neglect their own needs and prioritize the needs of others, even when it’s detrimental to themselves.
- Constantly seeking validation – People pleasers may constantly seek validation and approval from others, feeling insecure or inadequate without it.
It’s important to note that being a people pleaser is not inherently bad. However, it can lead to burnout, resentment, and neglecting your own needs. If you identify with some of the above traits, it may be worth exploring ways to set boundaries, communicate your needs, and prioritize your own well-being.
Why Do People Please?
There are many reasons why people, please. Some people are natural caretakers and want to make others happy. Others may have low self-esteem and feel like they need to earn love and approval. People pleasing can also be a way to avoid conflict or difficult conversations.
People-pleasing is a common behaviour that is often driven by a desire for acceptance, validation, and approval from others. It can stem from a variety of underlying factors, including low self-esteem, fear of rejection, and a need for control.
People pleasers often have difficulty setting boundaries and may feel compelled to always put the needs of others before their own. They may also have a hard time saying no and may feel guilty or resentful when they do. Identifying if you are a people pleaser is an important step in understanding your own behaviour and making changes to improve your relationships and overall well-being.
The Consequences of Being A People Pleaser:
If you’re a people pleaser, you know the drill: you put everyone else’s needs before your own, you always say “yes” even when you really want to say “no,” and you go out of your way to avoid conflict. While being a people pleaser can sometimes be helpful – maybe you averted an argument or made someone’s day a little brighter – it often has negative consequences.
For starters, people pleasers are often taken advantage of. If you’re always saying “yes,” people will start to expect it, and they may start asking for more and more from you. Eventually, you may find yourself feeling resentful and used.
Additionally, people pleasers often have trouble setting boundaries. This can lead to all sorts of problems, from letting others take advantage of your time and energy to not being able to assert yourself in important situations. And since people pleasers tend to bottle up their feelings, all of this can lead to serious stress and anxiety.
So if you’re tired of being a people pleaser, what can you do? First, start by identifying the times when you usually say “yes” when you really want to say “no.” Maybe there’s a friend who always asks you for favours but never returns the favour; maybe there’s a family member who makes unreasonable demands; maybe there’s a coworker who expects you to pick up the slack. Once you’ve identified these situations, start practising saying “no.“
How To Stop Being A People Pleaser:
It’s not easy to break out of the habit of people pleasing, but it is possible. Here are some tips to get you started:
- Recognize your feelings: Take a step back and observe your feelings when you’re in situations where you feel like you’re people-pleasing. Identify the emotions that come up for you, such as guilt, anxiety, or fear of rejection.
- Understand your motivations: Ask yourself why you feel compelled to please others. Are you trying to gain their approval or avoid conflict? Are you afraid of being rejected or judged? Understanding your motivations can help you see the root of your people-pleasing behaviour.
- Set boundaries: Start setting boundaries with others and learn to say no when you feel uncomfortable or overextended. It’s okay to prioritize your own needs and wants, and not always put others first.
- Practice assertiveness: Learn to communicate your needs, wants and feelings directly and honestly. This can help you feel more in control of your interactions with others and reduce the need to please them.
- Prioritize self-care: Make sure you take care of yourself both physically and emotionally. When you’re feeling good about yourself, you’re less likely to feel the need to please others.
- Seek support: Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist for support in overcoming your people-pleasing tendencies. It’s important to have a support system in place as you work through this process.
- Seek Professional help: If you find that your people-pleasing behaviour is causing you distress and affecting your overall well-being, it’s important to seek professional help. A therapist or counsellor can help you identify the underlying causes of your people-pleasing behaviour and provide you with the tools and strategies to overcome it.
Learning to stop being a people pleaser is an important step in finding inner peace, happiness and self-worthiness. Becoming aware of your own needs and feelings is key to identifying when you are compromising too much or feeling uncomfortable. Setting boundaries, speaking up for yourself, and saying no without guilt can help you honour your personal values and learn how to respect yourself more. Being assertive doesn’t make you selfish; it means that you know what works best for YOU!